A Mother’s Faith After A Custody Battle

Your life can look “fine” on the outside while you’re quietly breaking on the inside and that kind of pain is hard to explain until you’ve lived it. Welcome to the very first episode of The Bold and Unbreakable Experience, where I start with transparency, not advice, and tell the story behind why this faith-based resilience podcast had to be created.

I’m Dr. Ella F. Warren (Dr. Quis), and before the courtrooms, the heartbreak, and the years of fighting, I was a young mother in the military trying to build a stable home. I share what it was like to carry hope after prior abuse, to ignore early red flags because I wanted a family to work, and to keep adjusting and over-functioning in a marriage that slowly left me feeling isolated. From military orders to Germany and the pressure to relocate, to parenting through medical crises, I unpack how loneliness, emotional manipulation, and the slow erosion of identity can become a form of abuse that many people never name out loud.

Then the story turns toward the custody battle and the kind of loss that changes the way you think, pray, and move through the world. I talk honestly about depression, survival, forgiveness, and why testimony matters when you feel unheard. You’ll also hear about support options like The Bold Reset coaching experience, plus resources like my book Not Without My Children.

If you’re grieving the life you thought you’d have or fighting to rebuild after trauma, I want you to hold onto this theme: unwritten pages. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs hope, and leave a review to help more people find these conversations. What part of your story still feels unfinished right now?

Transcript

Life Changed And A Choice Appears

SPEAKER_02 0:02

You know, life has a way of changing on you. Sometimes it happens slowly and sometimes it happens all at once. Sometimes you wake up and realize this is not even the life I thought I was building. Have you ever had one of those moments where you look around at your life and you think, Lord, this is not what I had in mind. This is not what I had planned. This is not what I thought my story was going to look like. And in those moments, you really do have to make a choice. Do I let this pain take over my life? Do I let what happened define me? Or do I trust that somehow, even in the middle of this mess, God is still at work? Have you ever had a season that was so burdensome and so confusing and so painful that you didn't even know how to put it into words? Because if you have, then this podcast is for you. This was not created from a perfect life. It was created from real life and from the decision to keep going. And today, I do not want to start with advice. I want to start with transparency. Because before I invite other people to sit in this space and share their story, I believe I need to be willing to share mine first. Sometimes the hardest part of telling a story like mine is that people often meet you in the middle of your pain. They see the heartbreak and the struggle, the loss, but they do not know who you were before it. So today, I want to begin there. Before the courtrooms and before the heartbreak and before the long years of fighting, I was already a mother, a woman with dreams, and someone trying to build a meaningful life. And today, that is what I want to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Step in, ooh, ooh, tune in. We've been bruised, we've been tested, do we rise? Do we climb? This is the bold and unbreakable experience. Where your heart gets battled in your feeling. Stand up, dungeon, let you spirit it. The bold and unbreakable. Let the journey begin.

Welcome And Why This Podcast Exists

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Welcome to the very first episode of the Bold and Unbreakable Experience. I'm your host, Dr. Ella F. Warren. But you can call me quiz. I wear many hats. I'm a transformational life coach, a consultant, speaker, author, and founder and CEO of Bravely Overcoming Life's Difficulties, or Bold for short. And this is a space for real stories, real struggles, real faith, real lessons, and real overcoming. This podcast is really about how we live through life's difficulties without letting those difficulties have the final say. And today, this is really personal, like for real personal. Today I want to tell you a little bit about who I am and what I've lived through, why I felt led to start this podcast, and who I truly pray this reaches. In this space, I'm not trying to act like life is easy. I'm not here to pretend that healing is neat and pretty, because a lot of times it's not. Sometimes healing is messy. Sometimes healing looks like crying, like that ugly cry. Praying and questioning God, regrouping and then just trying to start the next day. So no, this is not that kind of podcast where people only show up once they have everything figured out. That is not what this is. This podcast was born out of pain. The deepest pain a parent could feel. It was born out of trying to make sense of things I never thought I would have to go through. It also came from something I felt deep down in my spirit. I felt that I'm not the only one that's going through some things out there. I know I'm not the only one who has had to live through something hard. And I know I'm not the only one who has had to keep going, even while I was hurting. And I know that I'm not the only one who has tried to have to figure things out and keep the faith when life felt overwhelming. And that is why this space matters to me. This is a space for real and honest stories, because every one of us has one. And only we can tell the story or tell our stories the way that it deserves to be told. This podcast is for people who have lived through something, people who know what it means to keep showing up when life has given them every reason to shut down. This podcast is not about excellence, it is about perseverance. It's about faith. And it's about learning how to keep going and maybe even grow through the very things that tried to break you. And if I'm going to be personal, I have to start with the real me. Before I take you into the hardest parts of my story, I think it is only fair that I let you meet the woman I was before everything started falling apart.

Before The Fight: Single Mom Hope

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Because I was not just the name on a court document. It was not just somebody in a custody fight. I was a whole person before this breaking, before the courtrooms and before the custody battle. Before all of the years of fighting, I was just Ella. I was a young woman trying to build a life, trying to live my best life, and trying to do the right thing for my child. Back in 1998, I was a single mother. I was only 20 years old. I was in the military. I was stationed at Langley Air Force Base in Hampton, Virginia. At the time, I was working as a medical technician at the hospital. And I had already been through a lot by then. I had already come out of an abusive marriage. So I wasn't really walking into a season that was carefree and untouched. Yeah, I was young, but I already knew something about pain. But even with that, I was still trying to create a stable life for me and my daughter Nicole. And to me, Nicole was my whole world. Everything I did, I did with her in mind. I was careful about who I led around her and careful about the environments I allowed her in. I was careful about what kind of life I was trying to create for us. I was not just thinking about whether somebody was good to me. I was thinking about whether they were safe for her and whether they respected the fact that I was still a mother and that my child came first. But then I met him. Then I met him. I met him through the hospital basketball league. Well, actually, let me start that over. I met him. He met me through the hospital basketball league. He noticed me first. We talked on the phone for weeks before I agreed to spend some time with him in person. At first, it felt refreshing. He was charming, he was attractive, he did thoughtful things. He even brought small gifts for my daughter before he had ever met her. And to a young woman who had already been through a lot, that felt meaningful. It felt like maybe life was finally turning in a different direction. For a while, it felt good and hopeful. It felt like maybe I was stepping into something better. And over time, I introduced him to my daughter, Nicole. And then he introduced me to his family. We spent time together. And it really did feel like we were building something. Now, was everything perfect? No, it was not. There are already signs. There were these red flags that I just should have paid closer attention to. But when you're trying to heal and trying to believe in love again, sometimes you're also hoping hard. And at that time, I really believed I could have the kind of family I wanted. I believed I could give my daughter stability. And I believed that I could make better decisions than the ones that I have made in the past. And maybe that sounds simple, but for somebody who had already been through abuse, that kind of hope was like it was like a real, real deal. So eventually, though, I realized that the relationship had run its course. When things ended, I had to pull myself together and face the reality of the situation and make the next best choice for my daughter and myself. That choice ultimately brought me back to North Carolina. Few months later, after navigating the ups and downs and the distance, the disappointments, and eventually finding our way back to one another, he came through North Carolina and asked me to marry him. And I said yes. Well, it wasn't like he was a total stranger. I had already knew him before. And I knew that I missed him. So I felt like, okay, well, yeah, let's try this again. And on August the 1st of 2001, we were married in Fayetteville, North Carolina. And like so many of us do, I chose hope. I chose love. I chose to believe that together we could build a stable, lasting life in a family. And if you were meeting me back then, you would have met a woman who loved hard, mothered hard, gave a lot, and kept trying to make the best of what was in front of her. That was me before everything changed. Now, once you understand that woman, the hopeful woman, the loving woman, the mother trying to build something real, then you can better understand the life I thought I was building. All of the ups and downs and the breakups and the reconnecting and the constant back and forth, I truly believe marriage would finally give us something steady. I thought it would bring structure, stability, and the opportunity to become a real family in the full sense of the word. At that point in my life, I was trying to build a home. I was learning how to be both a wife and a mother at the same time. And like so many women, I found myself trying to hold everything together, smoothing things over, continuing to love and continuing to adjust and continuing to hope that what felt uncertain in the moment would eventually grow stronger with time.

Marriage, Pregnancy, And Cracks In Home

SPEAKER_02 10:53

Then I became pregnant. And honestly, I believed that maybe this child would bring us closer. After being told I might never carry another child, discovering I was pregnant felt like a blessing I never expected to receive. I wanted to believe it was a sign that something good was ahead. And I wanted to believe that this new life might help mend some of the strain that had already begun to settle in our relationship. I can remember dreaming about our future and imagining the kind of home that we could build together, a place where our children could grow up surrounded by love, stability, laughter, and new memories. I was focused on what could be, not fully recognizing what already was. But at the time, I truly believed that if I loved a little bit harder and if I loved enough or stayed committed enough, or if I just kept showing up for my family, eventually things would settle into something stronger. I was trying to be a wife, a mother, a provider, and the emotional glue holding everything together all at once. So when our family continues to grow, so did the weight I carry. Not just physically, but the weight was emotionally, mentally, and financially. I poured myself into motherhood. I poured myself into the home and into the relationship, believing that all of my effort and sacrifice would eventually create the stability I had longed for. But looking back now, I can see that while I was trying to build something beautiful, the foundation underneath was already beginning to crack. At first, it did not feel dramatic. It felt lonely. It felt like slowly carrying more than one person should have to carry while convincing myself that things would get better within time. The emotional distance and the constant tension, the arguments, the exhaustion, and the growing sense of isolation, it all started to wear on me internally. I was still functioning and still working, still mothering, still showing up every day, but something deeper inside me was becoming tired. Even after the marriage, the home, the children, I found myself feeling increasingly alone in a life that was supposed to be shared. Then came the military orders to Germany. And even that decision came with pressure. I had originally wanted to stay behind and finish my nursing degree, but I felt pushed to relocate because I was made to believe that our marriage would not survive if I stayed. So I went. I went, giving up more of my independence and more of the life I had been building because I still believed the relationship was worth fighting for. Germany felt like it could be a fresh start, a new chapter for our family. I didn't know it then, but one of the hardest chapters of my life was quietly opening. And then not to mention, I had to leave Nicole because she was not clear to go over. But even leaving Nicole temporarily with my mom was one of the hardest parts of the move. But it did not shake my hope that we were still building something better for our children. But the truth is, while I was trying to build, some things were already starting to shift. At first, those shifts were sort, they were sort of subtle. They were just enough to make me feel that something was off. And sometimes the cracks are not just emotional. Sometimes they show up in the compromises that you keep making. The parts of yourself that keep you settling. The dreams that you that keep postponing, the red flags. You keep trying to explain those things away because you want the whole thing to work. That was me. Once there, I did whatever what I'd always done. I tried to hold everything together. I cared for my children and supported my husband and adjusted to a new country. I searched for work, took German classes, and tried to make life feel stable for everyone else while quietly carrying more than people could see. But looking back now, I realized that while I was trying to build a future, I was also slowly losing pieces of myself along the way. And that is one of the reasons I know that some people need more than just inspiration. Sometimes you just don't need just a word. Sometimes you need some support. And while you're trying to hold your life together, things just keep falling apart.

Needing Support: The Bold Reset

SPEAKER_02 15:59

So I want to talk to you right now. If you're listening and you're thinking, I need more than just something good to listen to. I need support. I need community. I need a place to process, a place to heal, and a place to grow. That is a big part of why I created my coaching group. It is for people who are who are tired of carrying everything alone, and they're ready to make the choice of rebuilding, and they're ready to make the choice of healing, and they're ready to make the choice of becoming. So take a moment, watch this quick video, and I'll meet you right back here.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Have you been feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, or unsure about what comes next? The Bold Reset is a bi-weekly six-week transformational coaching experience designed to help you reset and move forward. Together, we'll focus on mental well-being, stress tolerance, character strength, mindset, and future focus with goal setting. Beginning June 10th, 2026, you can join us in a group setting or choose one-to-one coaching for more personalized support. Spaces are limited, so don't wait. Or register now at boldandempower.com and take your next bold step today.

SPEAKER_02 17:25

All right, let's come back to it.

Germany Stress, Illness, And Hidden Abuse

SPEAKER_02 17:28

Because if you've ever known what it feels like to keep functioning while quietly breaking, then you already know the cracks never stay small forever. So going back to the story, when we moved to Germany, I truly wanted to make the best of it. I had never been outside of the United States before. And being a small country girl from North Carolina, part of me was amazed by everything that was around me. I took German classes, classes, and I searched for work. But while I was waiting for the work, I continued to care for my children and I tried to create that stability in a place that felt completely unfamiliar. But again, underneath all of that, the emotional weight kept getting heavier. We were living in the same house, but emotionally it felt like we were living in different worlds. The loneliness and the pressure, the exhaustion and the constant strain slowly started wearing me down. It started wearing me down in ways that I don't even have the words for. And every time I thought I had reached my limit, something else would happen. One day, my son suffered a seizure. And due to that, he was later diagnosed with epilepsy. And then I became seriously ill myself. I was hospitalized. I needed a tonsilectomy. And so trying to recover while still carrying the responsibilities of motherhood and survival, being in a hospital in a foreign country, and I was vulnerable. I was scared. I needed care myself. And then I realized that the person who should be standing beside me is not really standing beside me the way that I needed him to. And that kind of loneliness gets down in your bones. I was trying to survive physically while I was already unraveling emotionally. And there was always another burden, another stress, another disappointment, and another reason just to feel overwhelmed. Felt like life just kept piling on. Have you ever been there? Because I know I'm not the only one. And so in the middle of all of that, I began realizing something. I began realizing that abuse does not always look the way that people expect it to. Sometimes abuse shows up as an emotional control. And sometimes it shows up as manipulation or dismissal and the slow erosion of your voice and your identity. So by the time the custody battle came, I was already emotionally exhausted.

Custody Loss, Depression, And Holding Faith

SPEAKER_02 20:09

I just did not fully know how to name it back then. I just remember being forced into impossible positions, like all the time. But I was forced into an impossible position that no mother should ever have to face. My love for my children was being used against me. And because I was their primary caregiver, he knew exactly where I was most vulnerable. When people hear the word custody, they often think about the courts and the paperwork. But when you live through it, it becomes deeply personal. It touches your identity, your purpose, and your heart, and your relationship with your children all at once. And losing my children shattered me in a way that words can barely explain. My babies were only two and three years old when they were taken from me. And that kind of loss is hard to describe. Felt like the air had been knocked out of me. Like my whole world had turned upside down. I remember trying to stay composed while internally falling apart, trying to comfort children who were too young to understand what was happening. And while I was, I was also trying to understand it myself. And the hardest part was that life kept moving. Life kept moving even when I was breaking. The bills still came, the responsibility still remained. And people still expected me to function. That kind of pain changes you. It changes the way you think, the way you pray, the way you move. Because at that point, this was no longer just about marriage issues. This was about my Children. This is about being separated from them and feeling helpless, feeling like I was unheard and trying to survive while my heart was on the line. Then came the depression. A deep depression, like the kind that follows you everywhere. It doesn't disappear just because life keeps demanding things from you. It's there when you wake up, when you work, when you try to sleep, when you're trying your best to act like everything is okay. That kind of heartbreak, it settles into every part of your life. And somehow I still kept going. Not because I felt strong enough every day. And not because it was okay, but it was because I had to. Nicole still needed me. And even in the middle of my breaking, there was still a part of me that believed that God had not abandoned me. That is part of why I had to tell this story. Because once you've lived through that kind of pain, silence no longer feels like the answer. And for a long time, I struggled with whether I even wanted to tell this story publicly. Because some pain it stays close to you. It stays close to the surface, no matter how much time passes. But eventually I realized that my story was not meant to stay buried in silence. It is not just the story about loss, it is also a story about faith. It's a story about perseverance and healing and refusing to let the pain have the final say. And when you're in the middle of something painful, you don't always realize what it is that's building in you. All you know is that it hurts and you're trying to survive it. Looking back now, I I can see that every difficult season was shaping me piece by piece. And that is part of the reason why I share my story today. Because somebody else needs to hear or needs to know that while pain is real, so are healing. So is faith and purpose and survival. My story was never meant to stay burned in silence. And to be clear, this is not about creating villains or speaking negatively about my children's father. There has been forgiveness, and we are far beyond that. I share this because it is my lived experience, and because I know someone listening may see themselves somewhere in this story. Another mother, another parent, someone in a difficult marriage, someone carrying trauma, or someone privately asking God, how much longer? And then they're still trying to smile in public.

Telling The Story Without Villains

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Now, quick plug here. If you want to read more about my journey, I share much more of my story in my Amazon's best-selling book, Not Without My Children. I place the information in the show notes. And back to where I was at. If you're listening right now and you're thinking that this is the kind of message people in my church and my organization or a conference or community need to hear, I would truly be honored to bring this message there as well. Speaking about faith and healing and resilience and what it really means to keep going through life's hardest seasons is deeply personal to me. So why don't you take a quick look at this video and we'll be right back.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

When you need a speaker who can inspire, connect, and leave people transformed, Dr. Ella F. Warren delivers. Some speakers give information, others leave people changed. Dr. Ella F. Warren speaks from lived experience, strength, faith, and transformation. Empowering audiences to overcome adversity, reset their mindset, and move forward with courage and purpose. She empowers audiences to turn adversity into strength, pain into progress, and life's hardest moments into bold, meaningful next steps. With powerful messages on how to overcome, you are not reaction and resilient leadership. Visit boldenpower.com or email info at boldentempower.com to book Dr. Warren for your next event.

Stories Heal For The Quietly Broken

SPEAKER_02 26:45

So let me bring you back to the reason this podcast and these conversations matter so deeply to me. I started this podcast because I wanted to create a space where people could be open and transparent about how messy life can be and still believe there's a way through it. A space where pain is acknowledged and faith is strengthened. Healing has room to breathe and real people can have real conversations about real struggles. Everybody goes through something in life. So I want this to be the kind of place where somebody listening can say, that's exactly how I feel. Or I thought I was the only one carrying that. And I tell you, there was plenty of times that I was, I thought I was the only woman suffering through a custody battle. But I've come to find out now that there's plenty of people that are going through this and women, plenty of women going through this. And one thing that life has taught me is that everybody goes through something. The details may look a little different, but nobody gets through life untouched. Sometimes in the middle of your struggle, one of the most healing things you can hear is somebody saying, Me too. Or somebody saying, I completely understand. Somebody saying that you're not crazy for feeling like that. And you are not weak because this hurt you and you're not alone. Sometimes people just need to hear that. And sometimes people just, they don't just need to hear inspiration. They need to hear openness and transparency and some reminders that they are not alone. That is why this podcast exists. I believe stories can heal. Sometimes another person's testimony helps put words into your pain. It strengthens your faith or reminds you that survival is still possible. And that is why this podcast exists. It exists because I believe stories can heal. Sometimes somebody else's testimony helps you breathe a little deeper. Somebody else's faith strengthens yours when your own faith feels tired. And sometimes just hearing that somebody else survived reminds you that maybe you can too. And I also wanted to create a platform for ordinary people with real testimony, not just picture-perfect platforms or perfect stories, but real people who know what it means to keep going, even through the heartbreak and the disappointment or the loss and uncertainty. Because overcoming does not just happen on stages. It happens in real homes, hospital rooms, courtrooms, cars, prayer closets, and quiet moments where people decide somehow not to give up. That is what this podcast is about. The truth of life difficulties and what can still grow on the other side of them. It's about the truth of life difficulties, but it is also about what can still grow on the other side of them. And that is part of what helped me understand why sharing our stories matters so much. I once heard Sarah Jakes Roberts say something that sort of stayed with me. She said, that's why we need your testimony. Your testimony is how Jesus is revealed to other people. And when someone else catches your relation revelation, it changes what they believe is possible through Jesus. And that resonated with me deeply because I realized that testimony is not just about pretending that you had a perfect ending or that you never struggle. It is about being honest about what God carried you through. Sometimes people need to hear or need to see what faith really looks like in real time. They need to know that even in heartbreak, confusion, and loss and disappointment, that God can still sustain you. That is part of why I share my story the way that I do. Because if somebody hears it and realizes maybe God has not forgotten me either, then every painful part of the journey becomes meaningful in a different way. So who is this podcast for? It is for the person who is tired, the person who is trying to heal, the person who's trying to rebuild and keep going all at once. It's for the person carrying pain that other people cannot fully see or fully understand, the person who looks strong in public but cries in private. This podcast is for parents fighting for their families, for people grieving the life that they thought they would have. And for people trying to navigate seasons they never expected to face. It is for the person who keeps showing up while quietly carrying that heartbreak and that disappointment or the uncertainty or exhaustion. The person that's trying to hold it together while wondering what comes next. But this podcast is not just for people in crisis, it is also for people in unfinished finished seasons, people rebuilding or rediscovering themselves or reclaiming their voice. People who are still waiting for healing, answers, peace or breakthrough. That's what this podcast is for, and that's what it's all about. So right now, if you're in a painful chapter and or an uncertain chapter, or a chapter where you are just simply trying to figure it out how to keep moving forward, and this podcast is for you. And if you need the reminder that difficulty does not get the final word, then you are absolutely in the right place. Here's

Unwritten Pages And Questions To Ask

SPEAKER_02 32:37

a phrase I want to start planting in the first four episodes. And that phrase is unwritten pages. To me, unwritten pages is the reminder that no matter what has happened in your life, your story is not over. A painful chapter is not the whole book. What feels unfinished is not hopeless. And even when life feels confusing, disappointing, or uncertain, God is still writing. There's still healing ahead, still growth ahead, still purpose and joy ahead. There's still meaning ahead. Because some of us have lived through seasons that feel like the final word had already been spoken over our lives. Some seasons that had left us feeling broken, wounded, or stuck. But just because life does not look the way you imagine does not mean there is nothing beautiful left. Just because something hurt you does not mean that healing is impossible. And just because something was lost does not mean you lost everything. There are still some unwritten pages ahead of you. And honestly, again, that's why I started this podcast. Not because I have all the answers, and not because my life has been easy, but because I know what it feels like to live through difficulty and still believe that there is more to the story. So before we end this episode, I want to leave you with something to really think about. What part of your life feels unfinished right now? What pain have you been carrying quietly? Where have you been trying to hold everything together while hiding how really exhausted you are? What chapter of your life are you still struggling with or struggling to make sense of? And what will change if you truly believe your story is not over? It's not perfect, not easy, not all figured out, still being written, still unfolding, and still holding the possibility for healing and purpose and growth and something beautiful ahead. I'll leave you with this. This podcast was born out of real life, real heartbreak, real endurance, real faith, and real lessons that was learned along the way. But more than anything, it was built out of hope. Built on the belief that difficult seasons do not get to tell the whole story. In the next episode, I want to go deeper into what the fight actually built in me. Because people often celebrate resilience without talking about the cost of it, the stretching and the breaking, the rebuilding, the praying, and all of the quiet moments in between that changed you forever. So over these next few episodes, I'm going to take you deeper into my story, deeper into the lessons, the faith, and the journey that eventually became the framework that I now call bold. But for today, I simply wanted to open the door. I wanted you to know who I am and why this space matters to me so much. And why all of these conversations are personal. And if you're carrying something heavy right now, I want you to know that you do not have to carry it in silence. Before life changed, I was already somebody. And if life has changed for you too, I hope you remember this. Your pain may be part of your story, but it is not the beginning of it. And it does not get to be the end either. Thank you for being here with me for this very first episode of the Bold and Unbreakable Experience. And if this episode spoke to you in any way, I hope you'll share it with someone who may need the reminder that their story is not over either. Be sure to like, subscribe, and follow along for more real conversations because every difficulty, every lesson, and every breakthrough is another opportunity to own your own overcome. And remember, there are still unwritten pages ahead. Until next time, Bodie, stay curious, stay bold, and stay unbreakable.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Every scar you carry belongs to the next song. You're both unbreakable. Say it out loud, unshakeable. I am bull, I am unbreakable.